I see it happen all the time. Ladies will come in to the jewelry store to look at our beautiful engagement rings. The problem is…
They already have one!
Their engagement ring is sitting on their finger for all to see. So why are they looking at more rings? Why are these women unhappy?
Because they didn’t get the ring they wanted.
The one that they dreamed of. The engagement ring that they really want sits in the case, while the ugly step-sister sits on their finger. Now what?
Why does this happen?
It happens, because women let it happen… (Well, most of the time.)
You see, it’s all about that little word called “romance“. Women want to be romanced. They want their proposal to be wonderful, memorable, and a SECRET. But at the same time, they want the ring they want. They know what ring will make them happy… I mean, they do have to look at it for the rest of their lives. Can you blame them? Why shouldn’t they get the one they want, right?
You can’t have both:
Either you leave hints and know what ring you’re getting, or you get surprised and possibly hate it. Not a great choice.
But to accomplish this, women will need to step up their game and get better at planting seeds.
This is because most men are horrible at picking our rings, and might not even pick up on your subtle hints (You have to hit them over the head with a frying pan).
The good thing is, women are great at knowing when to start leaving hints. Women know before men where the relationship is heading, and when it’s pointing in that marriage direction. They see the signs. They sense it. It’s natural instinct for them. Men have no clue… usually.
This is the time when women need to start dropping clever hints. Pointing out engagement rings in a magazine, dragging him into jewelry stores “JUST TO LOOK“, commenting on a friend’s ring, things like that.
You may want the ring to be a secret. You may want the romance. But if you don’t steer him in the proper direction, you’ll end up getting an unsightly ring that you’ll have to wear ‘till death do you part‘.
I say, leave big hints. HUGE hints. Massive clues. Leave pictures of your dream ring on your refrigerator. Give him something to go by. Make it easy for him. Give him visual clues.
Seriously! Guys hate picking out engagement rings anyway. They hate it with a passion. A jewelry store is the last place that any guy ever wants to be.
So women need to leave breadcrumbs in order to get the ring they desire. Trust me, if you get a ring that you don’t like, that just means that you didn’t try hard enough (Why do you think a lot of women go with their man to pick out their ring?)
But what do you do if your proposal was a surprise?
So you have an engagement ring that you don’t like. He passed on all of your so called “hints“. Now you have an ugly engagement ring.
Do you tell him? Do you hurt his feelings? Are you going to have to wear that monstrosity forever?
Maybe, maybe not! But you should act fast and handle the situation quickly (While the jeweler still has an exchange policy. Most exchange policies are from a week to 3 months. It varies from jeweler to jeweler).
Here’s what I advise:
Find a reason to get a different engagement ring… Come up with something that sounds plausible like:
- “It’s top heavy and just spins on my finger…”
- “Baguettes get cloudy and dirty up too quickly…”
- “Channel set diamonds are too hard to clean…”
- “These prongs snag my sweater…”
- “Marquise cut diamonds rip my panty hose…”
- “My skin reacts to yellow gold…”
It doesn’t matter what you say, as long as you say something that’s believable. Then say to him something like: “I love the Ring you picked out, but is there a way we can look at different Mountings?” You can make up something about the way it feels on your finger, or how hard it would be to maintain… Saying things like this will work. As long as you don’t say “You bought me an ugly ring and I hate it.” you’ll be fine.
Guys want YOU to be happy
I’ve never, ever heard of a guy saying no to these types of reasonings. Trust me, guys want you to be happy with the ring. If you’re not happy with the ring, you’re not happy with him.
So speak up:
If you want something different, better say so now before you get married. Once you’re married, then you have no choice but to keep that ring forever and ever.
Fessing up is the only way to go. Don’t start keeping secrets now. Some women are blunt about it and just don’t care. They’ll say “This sucks!” They’ll say they had their eyes on a different ring or diamond. What ever your way of saying it, do it soon. Don’t wait.
The bottom line:
Men will be fine with it. To men, your ring is just diamonds and gold. They have no emotional connection or bond with it. They won’t get bummed out if you choose a new setting. It’s no big deal.
Women are the ones that make this harder than it really is. So just tell him. “A triangle shaped diamond? Awwww, I wanted a round diamond.” And if you love the center stone, tell him. Say “I LOVE the diamond you picked out, but the mounting is too low, or too high, or too many prongs, or too wide on my finger“…
Make something up!
So then what happens?
Go with him to the jewelry store to exchange the mounting. That way you can get something else that you really do like. And if he picked out an ugly diamond as well, then just trade the whole stinking ring in. It’s your ring. You have to be happy with it. Don’t be stuck with an ugly wedding ring. You want one that you’ll be proud to show off to all your girlfriends. You don’t want to hide it. That’s no fun.
Or, you can just do what one customer of mine did ten years ago… She “accidentally” left hers in the bathroom at the airport…
“Whoops!” Time to get a new ring.
Just pray it’s insured. Eh?