First of all, I can’t even believe that I’m Writing this Post.
Rings for the Mistress?
I so Believe in Marriage and Old Fashioned Ways, but we do Live in a Modern World and the Fact is, a lot of Men have Mistresses and Buy their Mistresses Jewelry.
I should know, I’m Quite Happy to take their Money and Sell them a Ring!
Now I’m not going to Judge anyone, that’s not my Purpose. You Guys can do what you Want, I could Care Less.
But if you do it, you might as well be Smart about it!
This is where I come in. Here are some Tricks of the Trade that I have Learned from Waiting on Guys in your Position.
These are Tried and True and should Keep you from Getting Caught by your Angry Wife!
Enter at your own Risk!
Again, it’s not me, don’t Kill the Messenger, I don’t Condone this, it’s just a reality that happens everyday and I’m here to Share it with you.
So here you go:
The Common Sense Guide to Buying your Mistress Jewelry and NOT Getting Caught!
(Women of the World, Look The Other Way!)
1) Pay Cash!
Only an Idiot would Finance it or Pay using a Credit Card.
You’ll leave a Huge Paper Trail with Red Flags all over the Place. (Those Credit Checks are almost impossible to Wipe Clean from your Credit Report too!)
Think Cash and ONLY Cash!
2) Don’t Shop where you Normally Shop!
This is such a Dumb Error Guys Make…
A lot of Guys don’t think it through. If you always Buy from a Local Jeweler in town (like you and your Wife), then by all means, DON’T Buy your Mistress Jewelry there!
Come on, they KNOW your WIFE!
Drive out to Joe-Schmo Jewelers Five Towns over to Shop.
Don’t be Crazy!
Shop somewhere New, where the Salespeople doesn’t know you, and more importantly, doesn’t know your Wife!
This is Absolutely Crucial. You Don’t Want Ignorant Salespeople Slipping up and Asking your Wife if she liked her Bew Tennis Bracelet!
“HUH? I didn’t get any New…”
3) Don’t give the Salesperson your Name!
Zippo! Nada! Zilch! If they don’t know you, let’s keep it that way. No Names, No Addresses, No Phone Numbers… See no Evil, hear no Evil!
(P.S. Don’t even try this if you’re Famous, Popular or a Senator! That’s just Foolish!)
4) Don’t Purchase anything that will need Info
Don’t Buy Warranties, Guarantees, Appraisals, or Jewelry Service Plans. If you do, make sure you put them all to your Mistresses’ Name and Info. (I still don’t Recommend this!) Keep Your Details Private (unlike your other Privates). Zip your Lips!
5) Don’t Sign up for Contests or Mailing Lists
Use your Noggin. Think with your Head and not your ‘Head’.
6) Don’t Special Order any Jewelry
You don’t want them to Contact you when it’s ready. That’s not Good. Live by the Rule… if it’s NOT in Stock, and NOT in the Store, then DON’T Buy it!
7) Don’t Worry about Sizings or Fittings!
If she needs Links taken out of a New Watch or Needs a Gemstone Ring Sized, let her do it! She can take it back and handle all that Junk. You don’t want to be Caught with a Repair Stub in your Pocket!
8) Don’t Hide Jewelry Bags in your Vehicle!
Remove all Evidence. Guys like to Forget simple things like Bags, Gift Wrap and Thank You Cards! Throw it Away!
9) Don’t Pick up anything for yourself!
Don’t get Jewelry Cleaner or Business Cards, or anything at Joe-Smoes… Play it Safe.
You want Nothing to Link the Fact that you were in a Jeweler in any way! And don’t get your Rings Polished either while you’re there. She’ll know you were at a Jeweler and will get Suspicious!
10) Don’t get anything Engraved!
You don’t want “Jim and Donna” Etched permanently in Metal! Don’t even Think about it! Things like that have a way of coming back to Haunt you! It’s Proof… Skip it!
11) Don’t keep Receipts
If they give you one, Toss it out or give it to the ‘Other’ Woman. Men have a Habit of Sticking Receipts in their Wallets and getting caught.
That’s a Big NO-NO!
12) Don’t Buy your Mistress Jewelry Online!
You don’t want to Start Getting Emails and Spam and Ads from a Jeweler’s Website that you’ve been to with your Recent Online Purchase! Plus they’ll keep Sending you Email Offers with Coupons, Rebates and Surveys! The Key here is to Raise No Eyebrows. Keep it on the Down-Low. I wouldn’t even go Incognito… NOTHING ONLINE EVER!
13) Buy the Same Gifts for Both Women
And what I mean by that is… Don’t get Confused!
If you Buy all the Women in your Life Different Types of Jewelry, like Rings and Bracelets and Bangles, then you’re Bound to Mess up.
You can’t remember if you Bought your Wife the Sapphire Pendant or the Diamond Earrings? Did she get the Anklet or the Watch? See what I mean?
You might as well Step into a Bear Trap!
So if you Buy your Wife Diamond Earrings, then Buy your Mistress Diamond Earrings (from the other Jewelry Store) as well!
If you Buy a Bracelet, Buy Two Bracelets (They don’t need to be Exact, but if you get one a Diamond Bracelet, get the other one a Diamond Bracelet as well)!
That way you can never get Trapped in a Corner and Forget what you Bought, Who, Where or When! (“Oh, remember that Gift you Bought me for our Anniversary? What was that again?”)
Buy the Same Kinds of Gifts for all your Women!
It just makes it Easier to Remember.
14) Skip Buying Diamond Rings!
If you buy your Mistress a Diamond Ring you are sending her the Wrong Impression (unless that’s where you want to go). A Diamond Ring says “Commitment“, while Earrings and Pendants say “Spend the Night!” Which do you Want?
15) Don’t take the Mistress Shopping with you!
You don’t want the Salesperson to see you two together.
You don’t want to accidentally run into that Salesperson while you’re out to Eat with your Wife. That could get Confusing and Ugly. “What happened to your Wife?” “Oh, I’m Sorry… This is your Wife?”
No Names! No Faces! Total Separation!
If you want to Play the Field, have Fun, but know the Game.
And if your Wife does find out about your “Private” Life, then here’s a Bit of Advice:
Hide all the Butcher Knives!
Because when she Finds out, she’s Bound to get a Little Psycho on your “Privates“!