I keep a small pad of paper with me at all times.
I’m constantly scratching notes and writing down funny things that happen, things of interest, and insane customer comments.
Working so long in the industry has no doubt filled a book or two!
You Said What?
Below is a crazy list of some of the funniest things overheard in a Jewelry Store.
Some of these are hilarious conversations, statements, actions and reactions from me, other salespeople and customers… but all are 100% real and never made up.
Because these are real life situations it just makes it all the juicer!
Jewelry Fans, Jewelry Store Owners, Jewelry Salespeople and just about everyone else should delight in these scraps of fun taken from the life of a Jewelry Salesman!
Enjoy the Laughter!
I sure did!
An old Woman is telling me about her Jewelry. She says to me “My old Ring used to snag real bad. It gets caught on my dog,” She frowns then continues “and now I have a hairless dog!”
Conversation on the Sales Floor: “This is a Box Chain!”
Customer: “You’re right about that, it’s too thin to wear, it stays in the box!”
Sales Woman approaching customer from behind. “Is there anything we could help you with Ma’am?“
“Ma’am?” Guy turns around.
“Oh, I’m sorry Sir!”
“What shape is that?” a Man asks leaning over his Wife’s shoulder.
“It’s a Trillion!” She says.
“Why do they call it that?” he asks.
She thinks about this for a minute then smiles. “Because they cost a Trillion Dollars!”
Woman looks up from Diamond Ring “Do you take Trade-Ins on 300 Pound Men?”
Lady rolling her eyes “I have so much Jewelry I could O.G.!” She smiles “You know… Over-Gold!”
Confused customer “Isn’t it an I1?“
Customer: “I thought that meant that it had ONE visible Inclusion in it?”
“How much do you charge to put in a Watch Battery?”
Customer replies “And that includes the Battery?”
Customers approach the Jeweler “We want to return this” They set the bag on the counter.
The Jeweler peers over the top of his glasses at them “Why?“
“We can’t afford it” the guy stammers.
The Jeweler removes his glasses and leans forward “You could afford it a Month ago!“
The guy switches feet and says quietly “I got fired.”
The Jeweler doesn’t miss a beat and replied “You should have tried harder!”
Teenager comes up to the Watch counter “Can you put Batteries in Watches you can’t open?”
Couple looking at bracelets for their Daughter.
Woman: “Do you like the Bracelet?“
Man: “It’s too big. She’s not a tomboy. It’ll fall off her wrist. She’s got tiny little wrists, that’s what I’m trying to tell you!”
Woman: “Well maybe we should skip the Bracelet and take her to Food Town!”
Salesperson: “What’s your Name?“
Salesperson: “Ho? Oh! What’s your last name?“
Customer: “That Last! Ho!”
Salesperson: “Oh Ho! What’s your First?“
Salesperson: “Oh No!”
Guy wandering around store “No I’m just kind of looking. My Wife’s in another store and she’s got all the $50’s!”
Woman comes in smiling and happy and leaves mad and huffy “I came in here to look at the Ring I want. My Boyfriend should have bought me that Ring. But now I’m mad, because it’s not here, and someone else is wearing it!”
Guy inquires about the price of a ring “Okay Thanks! I guess I’ll just have to get her bullets!”
Salesperson: “This Diamond is SI Clarity!“
Customer: “What’s SI Mean? Slightly-Irregular?”
Guy scratching his head “Could I use these coupons to buy something and not pay for it?”
Couple looking at a 2.00 Carat Diamond Ring “Oh That’s neat! Isn’t that neat Honey?” She looks at him.
She turns back to me and quips “And Lord knows I’ve never seen a big one!”
Man says to the Salesperson “Just Surprise her? Hell, I surprise her every morning just by waking up. I’m not dead yet!”
Lady slams box on counter “I want to return this!“
Irritated Employee “Okay… What…”
Lady: “I found something cheaper!“
Employee: “Oh! Why didn’t you tell me you wanted cheap?”
Customer: “What’s the name of that battery?“
Jeweler: “It’s a 364!”
Customer: “Is there another name for it?“
Jeweler: “Yes. SR621SW!”
Customer: “I better stick with the 364!”
Man walking up to counter “I want to buy a Ring for my Peter!“
Shocked Salesperson: “Your what?“
Man: “For my Son, Peter!”
Lady laughing at the Diamond case watching her man run out the door “Look at him go. He’s running like a scared chicken. No Boyfriend! No Husband! No Worry!”
Couple at Earring Case. Wife: “I want one single Earring.”
Husband: “Why? You missing an Ear?“
Wife: “No! I’ve got 3 holes! How long you been married to me?”
Man playing with Ring on his finger “It’s annoying! It doesn’t fit right. It bugs me like something hanging in your nose!”
Customer “What’s the Gram Weight of that Chain?”
Salesperson: “3 Grams”
Customer: “With the Tag or without the Tag?”
Lady looking at Opals “These Opals have NOT taken their Vitamins!”
Girl at counter “I wanna return this Bracelet because the box looks like a coffin. It turns me off. I don’t even want to open it. It’s a coffin!”
Woman removing her ring “Can I get my Ring cleaned? And can you do a really good job? And can you get the Yellow out of the Diamond?”
Man turns to his Wife who is pondering buying a Diamond Ring. “This or the Couch?” he says to her. Then he turns to me and says “And you can’t beat what I can do on the Couch!”
Couple walking back into the store after a Ring purchase. “Now that we got the Diamond. We want the Dime-one!”
Salesperson talking to a couple at the Earring Case “These Diamond Earrings are Guaranteed for a Lifetime against Chipping or Breaking!”
The Man laughs “Well I’d hate to see what her head would look like then. You know, for her to crack them while she had them on! But then again, we do ride a Motorcycle and then I wouldn’t care!”
Lady looking closely at a Tennis Bracelet “I don’t like the look of these Diamonds. They still have some glue on them!“
Salesperson: “Oh No! That’s not glue, that’s the Diamonds!”
Man turns to Fiancee at the Diamond Ring Case “Will you be upset if I just get you a Gift Certificate?”
“These aren’t Opals! These are Oh-Pales!”
Man looking at a ring on his Girlfriends hand “Wow,” he says “That Ring don’t look so bad! Especially next to your Plastic Eyeball Ring!”
Old Lady getting her Ring cleaned at the Ultrasonic Jeweler Cleaner.
She squints, smiles and says really really loudly:
“Oh, this is what I need at home… A Vibrator!“
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About the Author
Author Richard Scott. Certified Diamontologist and Gemologist. 30 years of experience.
Let Richard help you choose the best diamond, the most dazzling engagement ring, and save as much money as possible. Read more about the author here. Follow Richard on social media; Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest. Contact Richard Scott here.